I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
