she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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