She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
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The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
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I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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