I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
