Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
