He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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