Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Semen is not good for contacts.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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