You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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