You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
