We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
