he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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