I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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