She's JV to your varsity
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
