Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
