DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
