Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
