I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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