"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
