i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
