i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
