wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
