A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We are two peas in an std pod
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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