what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
