Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish i was in the wii world.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
