don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
