yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
