I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
