My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
