i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
