Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
