Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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