so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize