just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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