Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
