So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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