She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
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There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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