Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
