I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
