Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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