So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
