jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
two words...techno handjob
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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