Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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