You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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