Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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