Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
