my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
