You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
