I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
