The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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