And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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