i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
