Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We have started to decorate penises.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
