My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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