piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My dick has a subreddit
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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