I smell stomach acid.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
