a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
