I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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