I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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