sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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