haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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