there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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