FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
