homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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