I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
