we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
