4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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